1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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