What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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