UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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