somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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