Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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