PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
