Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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