I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think your dad took our porno
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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