My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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