Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
