You're so nebulous sometimes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
