I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
