Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
