I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
