I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We have so much sex to catch up on
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
