Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
