What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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