I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
