There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
