I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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