If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You dont lie about slip and slides
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
