oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
