you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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