"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
