ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
