If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
