a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You dont lie about slip and slides
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
