Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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