flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
