I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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