Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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