Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
