So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
