my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
