I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
