i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
