i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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