she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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