It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
