3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
