I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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