lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
