I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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