Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
