Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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