My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
