Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
