I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
