Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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