discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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