I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
