hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
