I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
