Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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